The Broken Mirror: Notes from the Pandemic

December 30, 2020

Del Mar, CA

Notes from the Pandemic

Well, the year is winding down as New Year’s Eve approaches. I like many will be going into it with the hope that next year will be better for all of us.  One wonders without speedy, effective vaccinations what will happen to the economy, the educational system, and the morale of our citizens. What a trying time!

I read this morning that a “pastor” who has a track record of conducting religious rallies will once again be taking his show on the road. It is agreed by most experts that these masks- less events are super spreaders. The man came to San Diego some time ago and held a large rally on a beach. It was terrible to see so many people attend and be used by this angry, oppositional “man of God.”

The weather here is cold this morning. The full golf courses are in contrast to hospitals bulging at the seams only a few miles away. How can this be? It is a surreal time. The beauty of San Diego is offset by the ugliness of a virus set on a destructive, relentless course. 

December 28, 2020

Del Mar, CA

The Broken Mirror

A loss for narcissists is the worst. Like empty vessels, they need ongoing attention and adulation to feel whole. Any loss or slight is an injury that is hard to absorb. Vengeance and retaliation are the tools of reconstitution. They never understand that it is ok not to be the best, the winner, the top dog. The only place in the line in which they feel comfortable is in front. If they can’t get there by a fair win, they’ll often lie and cheat and bully to get the place they feel entitled to occupy. Getting there is more satisfying than being in first place for any length of time.

Trump has been able to skirt around humiliation in the past because he owned the store. He cheated and lied and felt like a winner. He bullied, sued people, and played with the tax system. Ironically his marriages fell apart, he had few friends, and many people who knew him didn’t respect him. His first wife raised his children. Many of his companies went bankrupt. Ironically, he was a loser, though through clever mental gymnastics he felt on top.

For reasons that are hard to grasp he rallied a large number of people around him. The evangelicals liked his policies against immigration, abortion, and welfare while overlooking his “unchristian” behavior. He became the hero of the working “Joes”, though many of them had little chance of staying at Mar Largo or going on a safari with Don Jr. or Eric.

One would have to wonder whether Trump wants to be president for four more years. I doubt it. He doesn’t want to lose and suffer the humiliation that he experiences with defeat. He then has to face his own emptiness, aloneness, and inadequacy. As he has said many times in the past, “I hate losers.”